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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611039">maybe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshigay/pseuds/hoshigay'>hoshigay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Joshua centric, Other, Self-Harm, haoshua, joshua is sad but minghao is there, lowkey sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:01:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>349</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611039</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoshigay/pseuds/hoshigay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>maybe he should've told someone, anyone, when he started feeling this way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Xu Ming Hao | The8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>maybe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw // self-harm, depression, anxiety, etc!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>he didn't start off like this. no. no, it was gradual. like when it drizzles. but when it rains, it pours. the dark clouds covered the sun and the light was gone. it didn't happen fast, just increasing steadily. joshua wasn't always like this. he wasn't always depressed or anxious. he wasn't always suicidal. he wasn't always stuck in this never-ending pit. but it was hard to a decider when exactly everything had started. maybe it had been when he stopped sharing his feelings about himself and how he was at the family meeting. maybe it was when he started locking himself in his room. maybe it was when he had his first panic attack alone on the bathroom floor. but it didn't matter. it had started and joshua was tumbling down a black hole, sucking all the life out of him. of course his members were suspicious at first. but he learned how to hide it. how to plaster the fake smile and perfect the fake laugh. he learned how to play along. but he didn't find joy in it. he couldn't feel anything anymore. no matter if it was as sad as someone dying or as happy as chan's laugh. no. joshua hong was a shell of himself. he was fading away. </p><p>maybe he should've told someone, anyone, when he started feeling this way. maybe he should've told someone before he stopped feeling completely. maybe he should've told someone when began to drag blades through his skin, just to feel something. maybe he should've told someone. </p><p>it was only when minghao found him passed out on the bathroom floor that he told someone. he cried his heart out, emotions rushing through him as he looked at the younger's pained expression. he let himself surrender into minghao's chest. he let himself open up, spilling out what he bottled up. he let himself be taken care of. he let himself breathe as minghao wrapped his arms around joshua, squeezing his hands. he let himself break.</p><p>maybe it was going to be ok. maybe he was going to be ok.</p>
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